Why Just Getting Over It Doesn’t Work
Photo courtesy of Nikola Jovanovic @ Upsplash
If you’ve lived through and with trauma, chances are someone has told you to “just get over it.” Maybe it was a well-meaning friend who didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was a family member who was uncomfortable with your pain. Or maybe it was your own inner critic, impatient with how long healing takes.
But trauma doesn’t work that way. Trauma lives in the body, the nervous system, and the brain. It can resurface unexpectedly, years later, despite your best efforts to move forward. That’s why trauma therapy in Seattle offers a different path — one rooted in compassion, neuroscience, and the belief that you are not broken.
Hi, I’m Diane Dempcy, a trauma therapist in Seattle, and a certified EMDR therapist. Along with trauma, I also specialize in anxiety, EMDR, and support for parents of children experiencing a mental health crisis.
Why “Just Get Over It” Hurts More Than It Helps
Being told to “get over it” can feel deeply invalidating. If you experienced invalidation from a parent during childhood or within an invalidating relationship, hearing it again from a friend or family member can be especially triggering. Instead of feeling understood, you may feel dismissed, unseen, or even ashamed for struggling.
Being told to “just get over it” activates difficult emotions and behaviors:
Being told to ‘just get over it’ often adds shame. Trauma therapy offers understanding instead.
Shame: You start to believe there’s something wrong with you for not healing fast enough.
Isolation: You stop sharing your pain because you don’t want to burden others.
Hopelessness: You wonder if healing is even possible
Case Study: Jim’s Story — The Weight of “Moving On”
Jim, a professional in his 30s, came to therapy after years of telling himself to “move on” from his childhood neglect (see my blog on Childhood Trauma). He was highly successful on the outside, yet inside, he carried constant anxiety. He described feeling “frozen” in meetings, panicking before presentations, and shutting down during conflict.
Friends told him he was overthinking. Family members insisted the past was the past. But no matter how much he tried to push it down, Jim’s body remembered.
In our work together, Jim discovered that his brain wasn’t broken — it was doing its best to protect him. Through trauma therapy in Seattle, he began to understand how unprocessed memories were fueling his panic. With structured tools and support, he didn’t just “get over it” — he moved through it and began to reclaim his life.
Why “Just Get Over It” Fails: The Science of Trauma
The phrase “just get over it” ignores how trauma actually functions. Trauma is not simply a bad memory — it is the body’s survival system stuck in high alert.
The brain’s role: When we experience trauma, the brain stores memories differently, often without a sense of time. That’s why a sound, smell, or situation can bring old fear flooding back (more about this in a minute).
The body’s response: Trauma activates the fight, flight, or freeze response. Even years later, the nervous system can react as if the threat is still present.
The shame spiral: Being told to “get over it” often leads to shame, making people feel weak or defective for struggling.
Trauma therapy in Seattle works with this reality. It doesn’t demand willpower. Instead, it provides a safe space to reprocess what happened so your body and brain can finally rest.
How Trauma Is Stored in the Brain
Let’s talk a little more about trauma and the brain: When we think about trauma, many people imagine it as an event in the past—something that “already happened.” But in reality, trauma is not just a memory of what occurred; it is an experience that gets stored in the brain and nervous system in ways that can continue to affect us long after the event is over. Understanding how trauma is stored in the brain can help explain why certain reminders feel so overwhelming, why it’s hard to “just get over it,” and why specialized therapies are often needed to help the brain heal.
The Brain’s Alarm System
When something frightening or overwhelming happens, the amygdala—often called the brain’s “alarm system”—fires rapidly. Its job is to detect danger and signal the body to respond with fight, flight, or freeze. During trauma, the amygdala goes into overdrive, pumping the body full of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This reaction is life-saving in the moment, but it also means the brain is not focused on calmly filing away memories. Instead, the experience gets stored in fragments—sights, sounds, sensations, or emotions—rather than as a cohesive story.
The Role of the Hippocampus
Normally, the hippocampus helps organize memories, placing them in the right context: this happened yesterday, and it’s over now. But in moments of trauma, the hippocampus can be flooded and go “offline.” As a result, traumatic memories may not get processed as past events. Instead, they remain raw and unintegrated, as if they are still happening in the present. This is why people with trauma may feel suddenly transported back into the experience when triggered by a smell, a sound, or even a certain expression on someone’s face.
The Prefrontal Cortex and Thinking Brain
Another part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, helps with reasoning, decision-making, and calming the emotional centers. Under trauma, the prefrontal cortex often shuts down, leaving a person unable to think clearly or reassure themselves that they are safe. Even years later, when trauma is stored in this unprocessed way, the prefrontal cortex may struggle to regulate the amygdala’s alarm. This imbalance can lead to anxiety, hypervigilance, or sudden emotional flooding.
Why Trauma Feels “Stuck”
Because traumatic memories are stored in the brain differently than everyday memories, they don’t fade with time in the same way. Instead, they can feel “stuck”—locked in the body and nervous system. That’s why someone may react to a current situation with the intensity of the original trauma, even if they consciously know they are safe. The brain and body are acting as if the danger is still present.
In short, trauma may be stored in the brain in ways that keep it feeling alive in the present—but with the right support, the brain can reprocess and release these experiences, making space for safety, connection, and healing.
Case Study: David’s Story — From Car Accident to Healing
David, a man in his late 40s, came to therapy with me after a car accident. He had walked away physically unharmed, but emotionally, he felt haunted. Every time he drove, his heart raced. He avoided freeways entirely, limiting his independence.
Healing isn’t about erasing your story. It’s about reclaiming your life from the grip of trauma.
Friends told him he was lucky and should move on. But his body wouldn’t let him. Each honk of a horn felt like another crash waiting to happen.
Through trauma therapy in Seattle, David learned that his symptoms were not weakness but his nervous system’s way of trying to keep him safe. With techniques BLOG like grounding, breathwork, and eventually EMDR therapy in Seattle (see my blog explaining EMDR), he reprocessed the accident. Within months, he was back to driving confidently, grateful he hadn’t listened to the advice to simply “get over it.”
Healing Requires More Than Willpower
Healing from trauma is not about erasing the past — it’s about teaching your brain and body that the danger has passed.
In trauma therapy, this looks like:
Safety first: Establishing stability and resources so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Gentle processing: Approaching painful memories at your own pace.
Integration: Helping the nervous system file memories in the past where they belong.
When people try to push trauma away, it often comes back stronger. When they work with it in a safe and structured way, healing unfolds naturally.
Photo courtesy of Arsalan Farzi @ Upsplash
Why Trauma Therapy in Seattle Is Different
Unlike the dismissive “get over it” message, trauma therapy meets you where you are. It validates your experience while giving you tools to cope and heal.
Trauma Therapy That Work!
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Helps reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer feel overwhelming.
Brainspotting: Works with eye position to access and release trauma stored in the body.
Somatic Therapy: Focuses on body awareness to calm the nervous system.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Teaches present-moment grounding to reduce triggers.
Each of these approaches recognizes that trauma healing is not about “forgetting” — it’s about integrating your experience so it no longer controls your life.
Case Study: Maya’s Story — From Survival to Living Fully
Maya, in her mid-20s, had grown up with constant instability. As an adult, she was exhausted from trying to stay strong. “I’ve built this perfect life on the outside,” she said, “but inside, I’m still just surviving.”
When she first reached out, she almost didn’t follow through. “It feels selfish to need help,” she admitted. But as she worked through her trauma in supportive therapy, she discovered that needing support was not weakness but courage.
Using brain-based tools, Maya gradually shifted from surviving to living fully. She learned to trust her body again, to enjoy relationships, and to imagine a future not defined by the past.
Why Trauma Therapy in Seattle Offers Hope
If you’ve ever been told to “just get over it,” I want you to know this: you are not failing because you can’t. Healing doesn’t come from minimizing or dismissing your pain — it comes from facing it gently, with support.
Trauma therapy in Seattle helps you move from survival mode to truly living.
Trauma therapy in Seattle provides that support. It offers a space where your story matters, where your symptoms are understood, and where you are guided toward relief and resilience.
Wrapping It Up
Trauma is not something you can simply will away. It lingers until it is given the care and attention it deserves. If you’ve been carrying the weight of “just get over it,” please know that you don’t have to carry it alone.
With the right support — whether through trauma therapy in Seattle or modalities like EMDR therapy in Seattle — healing is not only possible, it’s likely. You deserve to feel safe, confident, and free.
Diane Dempcy, LMHC
Diane Dempcy provides therapy in Seattle to adults experiencing anxiety and/or trauma. She utilizes brain-based tools such as EMDR, DBT, and other types of therapy. Diane’s clients experience her as direct, empowering, warm, and accepting.
She provides online and in-person therapy in Washington.
